I come from a family where entertaining guests was elevated to an art form. My in-laws regularly welcomed guests for lunch or high tea, and each gathering was orchestrated with meticulous attention to detail.
The preparation went far beyond cooking. Cutlery was taken out of the cupboard, washed, and arranged. Extra vessels had to be kept ready. After lunch, the glassware had to be cleaned and put away carefully. Otherwise, the maid might break something, or the carefully maintained set might get disturbed.
Everything had its place, and everything had to be done properly. Entertaining was an art, but it was also hard work!
Cut to a different chapter of my life – 2005–2006
After 21 years of living with my in-laws, I was now widowed and living in a small flat in Karve Nagar. The habits of elaborate entertaining were deeply ingrained in me.
Then, one Friday, seven of my students planned to visit. I warned them that I would reach home only by 6 pm and wouldn’t have time to prepare dinner, and I was worried about arranging cutlery, etc.
“Don’t worry,” said Tejasa. “We’ll manage everything. We’ll buy the eatables and the plates, etc.”
There was a mix of anxiousness and relief. What a relief! Or so I thought. I had no idea what a revelation awaited me. There were seven students, my mother-in-law and me.
The students arrived with food, paper plates, cups, spoons, tissues, and juice. No elaborate arrangements, no fuss about crockery or cutlery.
They served my mother-in-law her food, which she ate at the dining table in the kitchen. The rest of us settled in my bedroom, ate, chatted, and had a wonderful time.
And then came the grand finale! One of them pulled out a black garbage bag. Everything disposable went straight into it. They tied the bag, picked it up, and carried it out with them. I was stunned. No pile of dishes waiting to be washed. No glassware to be cleaned and put away. No cutlery to be counted. No worrying about anything getting broken or misplaced.
Just good food, lovely company and a clean house! For the first time in my life, I had entertained guests without feeling exhausted by the process.
But there was another silent spectator that evening: my mother-in-law!
Until then, she had been accustomed to running the show, telling me what needed to be done and how it should be done. Entertaining guests came with its own set of rules, and I had learnt to follow them.
That Friday evening, however, the script changed.
Here were my students, happily eating off paper plates, drinking from leaf cups and enjoying themselves without a trace of formality. When they finished, they cleared everything away and took the garbage with them!
My mother-in-law was stunned. I suspect she had never imagined that entertaining guests could be so effortless.
And I? I was delighted! I had discovered that I didn’t have to do things the way they had always been done. There was another way, and it worked beautifully.
That evening changed the game.
Until then, entertaining had felt like a responsibility, with a long list of tasks attached to it. I had been so occupied with getting everything right that I had rarely stopped to consider how much I was actually enjoying the experience.
My students showed me that I could let go of the formalities and simply enjoy my guests. Their thoughtfulness gave me something far more valuable than a meal: the freedom to relax in my own home.
Of course, my father-in-law must have turned in his grave! People eating on paper plates? Leaf cups? Disposable spoons? No proper dining-table arrangement? He would have roasted us alive! 😂
But I had discovered something wonderful. The joy of having people over need not be measured by the cutlery we use, the vessels we arrange or the perfection with which we clean up afterwards. Sometimes, the best hosts are those who make everyone feel welcome, including themselves.
Looking back, I realise that this was about much more than paper plates and garbage bags. It was about questioning old habits, letting go of unnecessary expectations and discovering that there is often more than one way to do things.
Our younger generation can teach us a thing or two, if only we are willing to learn!
That Friday evening, my students didn’t just bring dinner. They permitted me to do things differently. What a gift that was!
So, tell me, do you enjoy entertaining guests, or does the thought of all the preparation and cleaning leave you exhausted before they even arrive?
Perhaps it’s time to bring out the paper plates! 😁
Wwonderful memories!