31

Sorry, Michael —
I have no words to express exactly what I feel,
But perhaps a sincere sorry is a good place to start.

Sorry that when I knew you, I was so naive
That I chose to trust the voices around me
Who had already given in to rumour.
Sorry that I had no sense of my own agency —
No will to find out for myself
Whether a creator of music, dance and rhythm like you
Could even be capable of all the nasty things
You were accused of.

Sorry that the world mistreated you.
I, as a child then,
Was part of this circus too.
Sorry that this herd mentality of mine
Stopped me from exploring, from even enjoying your music —
And I did love some of your songs. That much was always true.
But when I should have listened more,
I chose to look away.

Did I want to protect myself somehow, as a child?
I don’t know.
Did the world around me make you a monster? Yes.
I’m sorry I fell into that trap.

Many years later, when I became a mom,
I discovered that the younger one was so naturally drawn to you.
I did not stop him then.
His love for you only grows, exponentially.
With him, and through him,
I am correcting the erroneous ways of my past.

As I watched the movie Michael,
My eyes were moist.
My throat ran dry.
With love and something like grief, I devoured every moment.
And learnt so many things about you
That I never knew — never let myself know.
My conscience is quieter now, as I bow to your creativity,
To what you stood for, to the person you were.

I went back to all the beautiful songs you made.
The lyrics hit hard this time.
The songs were more meaningful.
Your voice angelic.
Your love and your pain, both evident.

Sorry that we mistreated you.
All that we did to you
Will bear heavily
On our collective human conscience.

When will we learn?
Will we ever learn?
To respect, honour and see a person for exactly what he is —
Not crucify him for what we imagine him to be.

Sorry, Michael.
You left this world in pain.
I hope you found peace when you met the Almighty.
I am sure you brought some swing, some swag and music up there —
Your music, your words live on and will live on forever.

Sorry, Michael. You deserved so much better.

–Neelum Amol Sawaikar

(Artwork in the topmost frame made by Amol Sawaikar)