“Don’t begin with a NO!”

We’ve heard this from our elders time and again, haven’t we?

Their logic or the thought behind that line was to make us aware that while starting something, anything we must do it with a positive mindset and optimism.

Saying No did not stop just there, we have so many instances when saying no was not an option, especially to elders, to family members, to teachers, etc.

For girls it was a lot trickier and stricter. Good girls always did what they were told, never said no and never talked back or answered back.

These impositions just get more complex in a relationship and worse after marriage. The practice of saying a YES always is very stressful. Good girls from good families were recognized with this trait of always saying yes.

What this gives to that person, is a complete lack of practice in the art of saying NO or NO, NOT NOW!

Why I am calling it an art is because it needs practice. 

When one person who has grown up always saying yes to everyone finds himself/herself in the outside world, say in a corporate office at a job and they have bosses or colleagues who start pushing their work onto this person, who just can’t say no or not now! Whose fault is that?

I have started to believe that one must be taught the power to say “No, not now” has to be inculcated from an early age. We must teach children to use it when they are in situations where they are incapable of doing a certain task or chore. They must also give an explanation. This is only for family and friends. With practice, they will grow up to be strong and affirmative individuals.

Another phrase I have learnt to love in the recent past is the power to say ”I DON’T KNOW”. 

This phrase is also a power because up until we accept that we don’t actually know something and have the courage and confidence to say it out loud to someone that you don’t know that topic or subject. 

This phrase brings about the possibility of actually learning something new. We would be denying ourselves this wonderful opportunity all along. Think of all the lost opportunities! Wouldn’t it have been better if we had said back then “I don’t know this”.

This “I DON’T KNOW” is relevant in another situation also. 

Picture this: You are in a situation where someone tells you to “do this task/chore for me” and you say “no” and then that person says “why?” and you take control and reinstate your power and say “I don’t know that, but not now”! “Maybe later”.

As we mature, we learn to regain our lost power. This self empowerment is a major milestone in our personal growth. It is a journey, with many pitfalls and winding turns. The aim is to keep trying and continuing on the path, never to give up.