A few days back, in our parent’s WhatsApp group there was a comment and discussion that followed. The comment by one father said, “My daughter was bullied and hit by some fellow class-mates. To which she got scared and was afraid of going to school.” He further continued, “I told her that she needs to stand up for herself and give it back to the class mate. Afterall, you need to protect yourself and some people only understand the language of tit-for-tat.”
As one would expect, lot of thoughts, comments and discussions followed!
I shared my thoughts on this in the group. I narrated an incident that happened with Anay and Aavya last year when they were in Grade 1. Two guys from Grade 2 used to bully them. When Anay-Aavya (AA) used to play, they used to come to disturb them, sometimes hit them, tease them, or used to take away their things. AA used to come and complain about them. They used to feel scared too.
Arpita and Me would keep telling AA to never raise hands on others, irrespective of what they do. Communication helps to solve the toughest of situations. Yes, it will take time and patience, but that is the only way to resolve the issue. We used to give AA various ideas on how to talk to them and also coaxed them to become friends with them, instead of enemies. They used to try and fail. But we kept nudging and motivating them. We also explained that if everyone starts hitting each other, where will it end?
They took a few months, but we were pleasantly surprised then one day they came and told us that all of them played together and became friends with each other. Sounds like a fairytale story, isn’t it! But we were proud of AA that they stuck onto communication and did not indulge into violence!
Isn’t that a major issue in today’s world too? Most of us seem to believe that violence is the answer to violence. Our actions and thoughts seem to be driving us in those directions – knowingly or unknowingly. I wonder if we think like this, what will we teach our kids? Imagine what kind of world we would have left for our kids say twenty years from now?
It is extremely scary to visualize the future. In an age where technology is growing leaps and bounds, it is more dangerous than ever before. Imagine if such kids grow on with violence on their mind, what kind of stuff they will create with the upgraded technology? Will they be out to destroy one another?
I am not saying that if someone hits you, we should ask for more without reacting. But the instant reaction should be to be firm, and protect yourself instead of hitting back the next second. Our portrayal and body language should be such that the other person should think twice before raising their hand.
As parents, it is our prime responsibility to teach children to give peace and communication a chance, again and again and again until results come in our favour! Parents are a child’s first role models. They watch us and learn.
The kids need to see what we preach! When we show them that peace and communication work, they too will grow up believing the same. If we tell them that only violence, loud talking, being strict, and communicating harshly will work, they will believe that too.
Here are some examples, which might help communicate what I mean – talking in softer tone even when things are not going in our favour; accepting the mistakes children make and not shouting at them; by happily helping them clear the mess they created; appreciating them genuinely at various instances; hug/ cuddle them whenever we can; solve disagreements peacefully; treat everyone around us equally without discrimination; show empathy even to people who are financial not so well to do; and so on!
I feel we need to expand our horizon as a parent. Instead of thinking just about us, our children and their future, how about thinking – what kind of children can I create for the future of this planet? Can I parent in such a way that our kids make world a better place to stay in? Will they be role models in showing that peace and communication certainly works?
Parenting is not just about producing kids, providing for their education, ensure they get a good job and then marrying them off to then lead a life happily ever after ….. Parenting is about inculcating good value systems and belief in themselves! It is a responsibility towards a better future and peaceful Human co-existence!
#violence #peace #love #composure #communication
