The date 16 January inevitably makes me feel melancholic. I’m sharing an article from my archives.

“In this life of turmoil, two things stand like stone: kindness in another’s trouble and courage in your own.” – Adam L Gordon.

My mother died in an accident on 16 Jan 1993. With her died some part of me, a part which I cannot pinpoint or keep kicking and alive in me. She was run over by a truck after she fell off the Kinetic. It was a freak accident, a mishap, that turned the lives of four people topsy-turvy. Soon everyone forgot about the ‘episode’. But something died in me.

For the next 10 months, I was in a state of shock. I moved around like a zombie, doing all my daily chores efficiently. I lost interest in everything around me. I realized that I was striving hard and balancing various aspects of my life to make my mother proud. I wanted her to know that her upbringing had not been in vain. It never occurred to me how much she mattered to me. I was unknowingly drawing my strength from my mother.

Many crucial events took place in my life in that year. One such event shook me out of my shock after a good 10 months. Gathering myself, willing to give up everything, I moved on. From my perspective, my mother was not around to recognize and acknowledge my efforts or success. So, I was not bothered about any consequence. There was no sense of achievement. The trauma stayed with no relief. I have faint memories of what happened in the next couple of years. Lots of things changed around me, at work, at home…I changed too. Slowly the date lost significance for me.

Fast forward to 2009. My friend Purnima announced that she was getting married on the 16th of Jan. After she declared the date of her marriage, it created an uncanny turmoil within me. The date brought back memories of my mother. It took me a week to compose myself. I thought I had got over it all. Yes, I have come a long way since my mother passed away. I recall a line when I was in my early 20s – Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Today, I can say I have lived the line.

I happily participated in the most important day in my friend’s life. I wish her joy and success in her newly married life. It was a new beginning for my friend so much to look forward to. May her life be filled with divine happiness.

My friend’s marriage has rekindled in me the urge to excel. As I listen to her balancing work and home dilemma, I realize that I have to excel. So far, I was doing what I was supposed to do. But now as I wish her a bright future, I promise myself – to excel.

—— Tujhe sab hain patta, hain na maa ——-

P.S. The urge bore fruit the next year – I received the Feather in the Cap award for editorial excellence! 😊

Takeaways from my personal experience:

• Grief can last a lifetime.
• Resilience and moving forward: Despite the trauma, find the strength to move on and rebuild your life.
• Acknowledge and process emotions: Confront and deal with emotions rather than suppressing them.