My friend yesterday shared a famous quote by Marcus Aurelius –

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

The definition of happiness depends from individual to individual. But for each individual, it surely depends on thoughts and its thinking process. And when it comes to thoughts, Over-thinking becomes very common. There are many articles on Over-Thinking, just to name a few:

“5 Signs to prove you are Over-Thinking”

“Meditative Strategies to Stop Over-Thinking”

“Few Tips to overcome Over-Thinking”

Is it that easy to stop overthinking?

Are we looking at it too negatively?

Could Over thinking as a part of Human Nature have any benefits?

These were some questions that struck my mind.

Ah-ha! Ironically, it was the over thinker in me that started to question if it was wrong to overthink.  I remembered many a time my dear ones and my students too keep saying “you think too much” or “don’t overthink it”. So is there something wrong with me?

Years of Thinking:

Since my childhood years, I use to think a lot. And this thinking an extra mile surely helped to understand the world better during those early growing days. It served me well in schools, in academics, in sports and also at my work. I was recognized for my analytical skills. But when it comes to personal matter like choosing a career, leaving a job, relationships, family issues this deep thinking ability of my seem to become overthinking.

Thus my curiosity , as I may call it, resulted in “you are overthinking” comment from all . Initially I thought the problem was with me. But was I actually overthinking? Shouldn’t we be thinking about such important factors thoroughly before making any decisions?

The negative presumption of Overthinking:

According to Cambridge dictionary, Overthinking is ‘the action of thinking about something too much, which is not useful’.

Now this ‘too much’ in the definition is very relative and varies for different people. And with this possibility of ‘too much’ there exist a possibility of ‘too little’ or ‘too less’ as well. Not giving sufficient time to the subject of thought can be equally harmful. Also the word ‘not useful’ is relative as something useful for me can be useless for you. Let me share a wonderful example.

Example

A young boy goes to the supermarket to buy capsicum for his mom. He forgets to ask his mother about the colour and even mom forgets to specify it. When the boy sees the variety of capsicum in market, he asks for an extended time to think what colour is needed. If you stand next to that boy watching him, you might think “What’s so difficult in deciding? Why is he overthinking? Simply pick any of these.” So for you this thinking seems useless.

But the boy knows his mom very well. Last time when he was asked to get button mushroom and he got oyster back home, his mom’s anger had no limits. So thinking about the colour of the capsicum is definitely useful to avoid such punishment again. So What is useful for him might not be useful for you or me. Do we have sufficient information to judge?  Accidentally that young boy was me.

Useful Thinking Misunderstood as Over Thinking

People generally have no time to listen patiently, and without sufficient information, the judgement of overthinking arises. After hearing about the issues in depth, people understand better and help us achieve greater or in depth clarity about the subject. We see all the aspects about that subject, the negatives and the positives. We tend to assume the positives as obvious and focus on the negatives. So this useful thinking often get a tag of overthinking.

Engaging self in Useful thinking.

Thoughts are the superpower humans possess. So the most efficient way to optimize this superpower is by useful thinking. Sharing some few tips to keep in mind:

• While thinking, try for greater clarity eventually finding some kind of results or decisions.
• Find out when the thinking gets stuck or leading to anxiety or confusion. Stop thinking if it affects your health and peace.
• Be selective while choosing the people you are sharing your issues with, who wont be judgmental about your overthinking.
• Touch on both the positives and negative aspects of any issues.
• Over-thinkers tend to hold on to their own perspectives resulting in misunderstandings and clashes. If so, its good to let go the thoughts then and their.

Perhaps, we say that the thinking is not useful if it results in extended periods of confusion, anxiety or inability to make a decision.Also sometimes letting go things without thinking is good too. Like for a Koan, you cant think, you need to let it go. (Refer this to understand-https://thepositivediary.com/koan-an-impossible-puzzle/)

But deeper thoughts can at times give more clarity, careful plan and better decisions as well. The only person that can distinguish the overthinking with useful thinking is yourself or someone who understands your situation very well.

I m sure that philosophers and sages like Pythagoras, Buddha and Gandhi, across centuries, have been over-thinkers in their age. When it comes to significant life decisions, I would rather choose to think too much then thinking too little.

Akshay Kothari…Silence Spoken!!