DATED – 21st March 2015

We are a family of happy, excited and closely bonded people. The family consists of –my Dad and Mom, my wife – Arpita, my younger brother Ankur, his wife – Divya, and my sister – Juhi. We cherish the times we spend together. We love going out with each other. There are enough laughter riots every single day.

Like any such closely-knit family, we too have our moments of disagreements. There was one such a few days ago. Within the family, there were three parties – Arpita and I on one side, my parents on the other side, and rest of them neutral. There was a verbal spat and hence a few negative emotions; a cold war followed. My parents were not talking to Arpita and me. They did not enjoy our take on the situation. There was a major difference of opinion.

A day went by. I realised that it was taking us nowhere. As I was about to fall asleep, this thought struck me – ‘No one would be enjoying the situation at home. We would love to get it back to normalcy. But, the HUGE question was – ‘Who will end that cold war? It won’t happen automatically. Someone will have to take the initiative.’ I further contemplated – ‘Why should I wait for someone else? I WILL TAKE THE INTIATIVE and sort out the situation.’

Next morning, I started behaving as if everything was normal. I had my tea with them, chatted with them, and shared a few updates. We didn’t have to reach a conclusion to that situation because both parties were very clear that their take was right. We just had to respect each other’s opinion. Slowly but steadily within a couple of days, the situation was back to normal!

Like me, all of us might have gone through such situations –

• I didn’t like the way my wife behaved. Further, she stuck to her point and I to mine! I come to a conclusion that she just doesn’t understand me. I was better single. Why did I get married at all?
• Two of us have been great friends for years. There was a misunderstanding, and hence now both of us don’t even want to see eye to eye. It leads me to question myself – how come he was my best friend for so many years? He was not worth it.
• I get upset with the way my sister spoke to me. She can’t talk to me so rudely. I completely shut myself off from her.
• I don’t like the way my employee did something. It was not expected from him. With the powers I have, I give him a mouthful. Even when I realise later that I went a little overboard with my words, I still don’t apologise thinking I’ll become smaller in front of him.
• There is a cause that I think must be addressed in the society. I can keep sharing my concern. But just sharing will take the society nowhere. Some action will be required.

In all such situations and maybe many more, things can get sorted within minutes. Usually, it is not that complicated. Neither of us enjoys it. But our BIG EGO just doesn’t allow us to go ahead and sort out the situation. We want the other person to take the initiative and make the first move. I have heard a few people say – Why should I take the initiative every time? My answer is – I should take the initiative for my own peace. It is not worth to be disturbed even for a few minutes. There are so many things to do and so much to share and discuss. These cold wars never improve the situation. If we value our own time, we will stay away from such wasteful acts.

Even as you are reading this, you might be thinking that it’s not that easy. I agree with you on that. It will demand you to step out of your comfort zone. You will need to be forgiving. It will mean burying the EGO. But I think it is easily possible; whoever we are, and whatever we might be doing. All it takes is a decision that – I want to be peaceful and happy, irrespective of the circumstances.

Vis-à-vis my life –

I never shy away from taking initiatives. There was a point in my life where I too would wait for the other person to respond. But I realised that except getting my ego fulfilled, there was no reason to wait for others to take a step forward. Personally, every time I have taken an initiative and sorted a situation, I have felt incredibly good about myself. That is one of the best feelings to have!

Taking initiatives can be exciting too! It needn’t just be to discuss that issue and be serious. We can be creative in mending issues – take them for a drive, give them a flower, write an appreciation note, send an ‘I am sorry’ greeting card, send them an SMS (or a whats app), pack a parcel of something that they love to eat, make them hear their favourite song, etc.

I am of a staunch opinion that if a person is important to me, then maintaining distance in that relationship is never a solution. Too much time and energy go waste justifying. Instead, just taking the initiative and mending relationships will make us ever peaceful. I propose that in case there is a relationship, which is not going great for you at this point, see the magic happen when you say – I WILL TAKE THE INITIATIVE!