I don’t even want to ask you how many times you’ve heard this line from someone. We’ve all heard it, we’ve all said it to someone at some point in time. So what made me think of this particular line now? 

There’s this friend of mine who loves this line and uses it all the time. One can catch her only when she wants to be “caught”. Over the years I have yelled at her, reasoned with her and hoped against all odds for her to “not be busy”. But to this day, she’s not changed a bit.

Few months back, I began thinking what is it exactly that bothers me when this friend says “I am busy”. No .. no…don’t comment and tell me that she’s not your real friend, she’s avoiding you, etc. etc. No. I know she is a dear dear friend because we’ve known each other the longest and she has always been there for me when I needed her. So, yes she’s proved her allegiance to me over the years. 

What I understood is that I don’t like it when someone ignores me. I don’t like it when the person in front does not share my enthusiasm for something at that time. Later my enthusiasm may rub onto them and they may become co-conspirators in many of my endeavors, that’s a separate thing. 

I realize I am a “Yes” person. I must have said “No” to very few things and people in my life. So then, is this factor what is fundamentally different between me and this friend of mine? Is she better equipped to say YES or NO, depending on the situation? Am I a people pleaser, hence I never say NO? Or….yes there is another possibility here that I see. Am I just better at juggling multiple things better than her? Am I able to manage multiple things equally well at the same time? Hence I see no reason to say NO to something that comes along. Am I a better multi-tasker? 

I discussed this with a few people and we were able to conclude that different people are differently capable at multitasking. Should I judge someone for not being as able as me? NO, obviously not. Does it irritate me that there is a mismatch? Yes…

This again got me thinking on another aspect of the same problem. Some people like to say “Sorry, I can’t take this up….I already have too much on my plate”. Have you heard of this one? I am sure you have.

Is this the same thing as “I am busy.”? I think it is, to some extent. 

Now, while I am ok with someone telling me that they are busy or they have too much on their plate; what I don’t like further is when they don’t attempt to explain themselves or to send time asking the person if it is ok to delay the thing for x amount of time, by which they would be available. Or to make any attempt at trying to find a solution that works for both. 

The same is the situation with people who say “I have too much on my plate”. One must give an explanation and also try to assist the person who has come to you, to see if the matter is urgent, if yes then can someone else be suggested who could help this person; or can the entire thing be done at a mutually agreeable time? 

The end requirement or need in both the scenarios is Compassion. This is one skill, quality that we must all practice. Compassion will help us in empathizing with the person coming to us, and we will be better equipped to find a solution that works for all. 

Or…if someone tells you “I’ve already got too much on my plate” you yell at them and say “Just get a bigger plate!!”