When our twins were about a year old, my wife Arpita and her mother (my mother-in-law) whom we fondly call Nancy-ben were chatting about kids and how they were growing. All out of blue, Nancy-ben commented – “Amitkumar ni ‘maaya’ nathi. She meant that the kids were not fond of their father (meaning ME). They didn’t seem to wait for him eagerly or miss him.

Needless to say, Arpita defended me and explained her mother that it was perception and not the reality. But when Arpita told me about this conversation I was taken aback. I always thought that I was being a good father and a caring husband. Wasn’t I good enough?

That moment I decided – I will work and ensure that kids have ‘maaya’ on me. Arpita shouldn’t have to defend me. My love and expression for the kids should be explicit. Kids being kids will always reciprocate. They don’t have any preoccupations and reservations on expressing themselves like we adults. They are what they are!

The only way to do so was to become kid-like when I was with them. If they can see me as someone about their age, as a friend than a father, they will connect spontaneously.

Hence began the journey – I would roll with them, jump with them, dance, make naughty faces, giggled with them for no reason, take them out for walks, sometimes bike rides, feed them, cuddle them, kiss them, allow them to sit on my tummy and play, not create scene even if they would pee on my office clothes, I never shouted on them, defended them when they were being shouted at for being mischievous, going bald with them, and many such memorable moments!

Being child-like with them still continues – they are about six years now. Just the kind of things we do together have changed. We have long conversations about anything, together we enjoy watching same cartoons, a story every night from my mind is a must, list of favourite foods is same, kids and me together are at loggerheads against Arpita sometimes, almost every objection they have is answered logically without getting angry and losing patience, the demands which are reasonable according to me are fulfilled, picking them up in arms is one of my favourite things to do, and many many more such things …

To conclude, I would say that kids (of any age) are always looking to express their feelings and thoughts to someone. They are pure, but vulnerable. Whoever gives them a feeling of security, attention and love – they open up to them. If we parents can be that person, I am sure they will be ably guided and always nudged in the right direction.

 When I look back five years since Nancy-ben said this to me, I feel blessed she said so. It is only due to these four words – “Amitkumar ni ‘maaya’ nathi”, that I am enjoying fatherhood to the fullest!