DATED – 14th May 2015

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in winters roughly 10 years ago. It was a little cold outside, but pleasant. I was sitting in a satsang with about 100 more people. We were surrounded by greenery and a constant chirping of birds – a perfect ambience.

After a small meditation process, we got into a discussion. Naren, our trainer initiated a question and answer session. He asked a question, “How would you sort out an argument / cold war / difference of opinion between your mother and your wife?” I thought I had a brilliant solution to it, and hence immediately raised my hand. With an amused look, Naren asked me – “Amit, are you married? (At that time, I wasn’t) You don’t have an authority to say anything on this topic. Saying and doing is two different things!” We just laughed about it and the discussion continued without my inputs.

Come to think of it, we do this classic mistake in various roles of our lives. We keep advising people about anything and everything. We want to give an input at every possible opportunity. People will listen to us, but not necessarily heed to our advice. Maybe, you have gone through one of these –

• One of my friends is going through ups and downs in his married life. I can very well advise him on what he should be doing. But, have I created my married life to be an awesome one?
• A cousin comes to me and shares about his business not taking a leap. I can suggest him to take a risk. But, the question remains – have I taken a calculated risk and hence taken a leap in my business? Or, am I growing minimally every year?
• I can suggest my relatives about what is the best option in investing the additional money that I have. If I have invested and seen great returns, they will listen to me.
• I can keep telling people about the importance of having right food. But, do I take care of my diet? Or, am I randomly eating anything and not caring for my health at all?
• We want our parents to listen and implement all that we are saying. Ideal, isn’t it? They will listen too, provided we have lived upto their expectations and proved ourselves.
• As a teacher, until I have command in that subject, the kids will never listen to me in class in rapt attention. They will keep getting distracted. Any amount of shouting and controlling won’t get the kids to be attentive.
• If I am into a creative field, my team will come up with innovative designs / ideas only when they see that I come up with amazing designs / ideas time and again.
• Until I have a fit body by exercising regularly, no one will be inspired to workout because I have suggested them. They will look at my belly and sarcastically say – YES, I know what you mean!

I wish to emphasise that we can keep advising people. But that impact won’t be there until I have proved myself in that area. Whether we like it or not, our suggestions will be valued only when I AM AN AUTHORITY. People are nice. They won’t say anything to us. But the moment we have left, their thoughts will be – ‘He is saying, but look at his own life; it is easier said than done; what does he know about my life; if only he were in my place, he would know what it takes;’ and so on.

I totally agree to your thinking right now that if the intentions are noble, then why not. But my dear friend, I truly feel that the world we are living in today believes in listening to people who have proved themselves, rather than a chatterbox. Today, results speak! Imagine Sachin Tendulkar giving advises on maintaining your skin. No one would care to listen to him. But, the moment he speaks anything about cricket? Oh my, you better listen to him!

Vis-à-vis my life –

I have also made this small error of advising people, without being an authority. But time and again, I have seen that people don’t implement things. They will nod their head, but will not care to act on it. So, of late, I have started to refrain from advising / suggesting people over things I am not an authority yet. In case I still wish to drive across a point where I don’t have an authority, I give them a strong reference of someone who is an authority on it. Throughout the conversation, I will keep referring to the person who is an authority on that subject. In that case, though I am talking, I am not talking.

For most of us, there is a need to show how intelligent we are. We probably want to show people that we have a solution to everything. However, I feel, at times, it is absolutely okay to tell people – I don’t think I am the right person to guide you on this. It doesn’t make me any smaller. In fact every time someone asks me something, and we realise we aren’t an authority on it, how about taking it up as a challenge and saying – I am not an authority on it yet, but I will be one. I will take all necessary steps to become an authority on this subject too.

It will take efforts and a huge initiative to keep becoming better than what we are. I guess that’s the beauty of a human being – the ability to evolve! Personally, I am seeing myself get excited every time I see a scope of improvement. Every moment, I am watching myself and before advising anything, asking, “AM I AN AUTHORITY ON IT?”