Date: 9th January, 2021

2020 has been a year (each one of us have our share of adjectives to describe it!). It started with me buying our first car instead of my parents giving it two years ago as a wedding gift. My husband didn’t know how to drive; and I was more than ecstatic to take the wheel – always!

However, the lockdown hit the world and our plans to drive around the town and highways came to an abrupt halt. To keep the new engine engaged, my husband would idle the car every alternate day in the parking. Before turning the ignition on, his solo ritual began with adjusting the seat, changing gears (first to fifth and down, reverse to neutral). Slowly he tried reversing the car and then driving in the building compound on the first gear. After many jerky pickups and sharp brakes, he was able to use the other gears on vacant roads – thanks to the lockdown driven ‘traffic’.

As weeks went by, the Unlock rules eased while his confidence increased. His car drives took him all over the city – in the silence of the night, the noon of day, and through the furiously working wipers cleaning pouring rains! However, one thing remained constant – whenever both us were out, I took the driver’s seat. Always.

Cut to a few months later; a physical glitch in my body rendered me bedridden for a week and off-the-road for the next week. Soon, I was back to my routine but with a tweak – I wasn’t still allowed to drive…

In short, we adjusted our timetables and saw that my husband dropped me and picked me up every single day for a week. And that’s when I understood what a child might feel when their parent(s)/guardian/driver did not show up on time after school got over…!

All sorts of frustrations balled into me each day. Feeling ‘handicapped’ was the largest snowflake on my emotions’ avalanche. And hard it hit!

After one long day at office, I was being driven home through the quiet by-lanes of Kothrud. The third consecutive pesky speed breaker finally unleashed the monster within. I snapped at him, “You have to slow down before the car hits the speed breakers instead of simply driving over them. That’s a basic driving skill, you know.”

He bit back. “Why do you always have to be so brutal and unforgiving? Slowing down isn’t helping; I know the clutch and brake have to be balanced at half-press for a smooth manoeuvre. I am competent theoretically; however, my skills are nothing as compared to an experienced driver like you.”

The air in the car thickened with other unsaid words.

I immediately understood what he was trying to say; however, my anger (and ego) stopped me from apologising that very moment. Through my fogged brain, other episodes flashed in a buzz…

All of them starred my mother and me!

There have been uncountable accounts of me being a bully with my mum. She’d never retaliate with harsher words instead would just cut herself out of my drama. When I’d cross a line, she’d warn me of strutting towards insensitivity.

Two of my favourite people, my mum and my husband, and I realise I’ve been the meanest with them! Why when the world stubbles over a silly mistake am I patient and understanding? But when these two do the same, I’m a monster!?

As if reading my mind, my better half broke the silence. “I’ve seen you deal with your nephew. You are a zen with that 3-year-old sweetheart of yours. Can’t you be a little empathetic with me too?”

And just like that, the chaos evaporated…

I am calm with my hyperactive nephew because I know he is learning stuff and will make mistakes. He’s just a kid! But I could not equate the same reasoning when it came to my husband learning the car. Or for that matter, my mum operating a TV’s remote first time in her life. How easily I could have explained to them one more time. But, I chose to belittle them and scar their budding confidence…

As our car ungracefully conquered another speed breaker, I put my patience in check. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my husband twitching in anticipation of another jab. However, I was mentally deciphering doable ways to help him with his half-clutch half-brake manoeuvre…!