About 15 years ago when I was marriageable age, I was sent to meet a girl in Udaipur. After that meeting, I went to Delhi to meet a tile importer for business purposes. As I completed my day, I reached hotel and called my good friend Arpita, who was in USA that time.

I shared with her about my visit to Udaipur. I wasn’t too inclined towards the girl I had met and told Arpita that I felt she did wasn’t the right person for me. Immediately Arpita asked me as to what kind of girl was I looking for. I told her that – I wanted my girl to have an identity of her own and someone who wouldn’t just sit at home doing household chores. Not that I wanted her to contribute financially in running the house; but that she must utilize her potentials in whatever ways she wanted.

That’s when Arpita made me realise an important reality, which I hadn’t thought about earlier! She enlightened me, “You are looking for a girl who will have an identity of her own. But few things will come along – she might not be a perfect girl your parents desire, she might not agree to all your decisions, chances are that she might give priority to her passion over social get togethers, extending the family might not be an immediate thought, and so on.” She continued, “So you see, it is not just about the quality you want, but other habits/ conducts/ values that tag along as well. Are you really ready for such a girl? Once you have an answer to it, take a decision accordingly!”

I was impressed by her thinking. Taking this conversation as the background and what little I knew about her, I felt she was the right girl for me. Apart from someone who had her own identity, I realised that I needed someone who had a good head on her shoulders too.

 I proposed Arpita within a year of this conversation and we got married in 2009.

Though the communication was quite a few years ago, it just popped up in my mind yesterday. When I think about it today, I feel that in all the people around us have something that we like and hence relate to them. On the other hand, each one has a quality, which I wish they didn’t have! I call this as ‘HUMAN ANTITHESIS’ – the good and bad in each one of us!

Here are some more examples of Human Antithesis to clarify my point –

• My husband takes me to the best places in the world; but I hate his anger
• My son is extremely loving and easy going; but just doesn’t know how to handle outside world
• My wife is super ambitious; but she is such a novice when it comes to maintaining relationships in the family
• My father is a perfectionist; but he doesn’t know how to sugar coat words
• My boss is doing a great job at the helm; but he cares a damn about respecting his employees
• My sister is a great cook; but how much I wish she could do more with her life
• My best friend really accommodates my emotions very well; but she can never be my role model as a daughter to her parents
• My mother can really juggle amazingly in various roles; but how much I wish she could have loved my father a lot more
• My girlfriend is fun to be with; but I disapprove when she speaks lies every time she is in a tough situation

 It is very clear from the above examples that every person we relate with will have some great things about them and some not so good qualities. Issues start cropping up when the focus becomes on the not so good things. The nine good things they are doing tends to get overlooked and only that one irritating thing seems to catch our attention.

To enjoy relationships, we need to accept people as they are. Just accepting is not enough though; we need to accept the ‘human antithesis’ willingly, consciously and happily. Any relationships that matter to us, we need to focus our attention on the good in them. Else we will never be able to build deep relationships where we can open our hearts out; and have only surface level relationships.

 Our loved ones will have some limitations that might need to be changed. That which is not okay definitely needs to be communicated. Communicate with them in a manner they understand and not how you prefer. Change might be immediate, in a few months or even years. Give them some space and time. Let us not miss out on our loved ones until they change.

Relations are to be cherished! They should taste as sweet as the mangoes; and not as sour as grapes! Whether the relationships in our life taste sweet or sour depends on our happy acceptance of HUMAN ANTITHESIS!

#relationships #human #marriage #change #positive #motivation