Longing
This morning as I was saying my prayers, I said “Thank you for this life that is filled with love, laughter..and longing”.
The “and longing” part was new and as I comprehended what I had just said, it hit me. I’d never spoken about ‘Longing’ as something I had or much less something that I was grateful for.
Since that moment, the word is stuck in my head and I want to use this to explore what it means to me and possibly why it surfaced today.
Let us see what the word means.
Longing – by definition means – a yearning desire, in noun form.
As an adjective it means – having or showing a yearning desire.
Let’s explore what ‘yearn’ means.
Yearn in noun form – a feeling of intense longing for something, typically something that one has lost or been separated from.
So, basically it is a feeling. That brings me to yet again explore the difference between a feeling and an emotion. I want to check if ‘longing’ is a feeling I have or it’s an emotion I carry.
“While emotions are associated with bodily reactions that are activated through neurotransmitters and hormones released by the brain, feelings are the conscious experience of emotional reactions.” – courtesy google baba.
By this then it is safe to infer that ‘longing’ is a feeling and it is a conscious experience of longing for something or someone.
Without going into what it is that I am longing for, let me go further into various forms or expressions of longing that we see, read, hear around us all the time.
I loved this poem by Khalil Gibran
The Great Longing
Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea.
We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together
is deep and strong and strange. Nay, it is deeper than my sister’s
depth and stronger than my brother’s strength, and stranger than
the strangeness of my madness.
Aeons upon aeons have passed since the first grey dawn made us
visible to one another; and though we have seen the birth and the
fullness and the death of many worlds, we are still eager and young.
We are young and eager and yet we are mateless and unvisited, and
though we lie in unbroken half embrace, we are uncomforted. And
what comfort is there for controlled desire and unspent passion?
Whence shall come the flaming god to warm my sister’s bed? And
what she-torrent shall quench my brother’s fire? And who is the
woman that shall command my heart?
In the stillness of the night my sister murmurs in her sleep the
fire-god’s unknown name, and my brother calls afar upon the cool
and distant goddess. But upon whom I call in my sleep I know not.
Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea.
We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together
is deep and strong and strange.
(Source: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/58718/the-great-longing)
While this poem speaks about a longing for company, togetherness of love or companionship, there is another famous Marathi poem that comes to my mind, and as I read through it, I experienced the same physical symptoms – neck muscles tightening up as though someone one is choking me from within. My vision is clouded with tears that want to rush out, but something makes them stay put. The mouth is parched as though I’ve been thirty for eternity.
The poem is सागरा, प्राण तळमळला by विनायक दामोदर सावरकर (Vinayak Damodar Savarkar) on December 10, 1909
The very first two lines are enough to turn me into a mushball filled with emotions that I just described above. They read ….
ने मजसी ने परत मातृभूमीला,
सागरा, प्राण तळमळला
Ne majasi ne parat maatrubhumilaa, saagaraa praaN taLamaLalaa
(O ocean, take me back to my motherland, My soul is so much torment be!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtIQ5SNZUKI
This is my favourite rendition of this poem in the form of a song. It has been beautifully composed by Pandit Hridaynath Mangeshkar (brother of Ma Saraswati’s favourite child, BharatRatna Lata Mangeshkar)
I do not even understand the rest of the poem. Perhaps, because of the old style language.
What I’ve understood so far, is that my obvious longing is for my home, my family members. I also long to be in my own country – this for me is a very strong yearning. I do also have longings for simpler things like some food items, some special places, etc. So, the degree of longing is also varied as is the variety of things, people or places that I long for.
Today, I will dedicate some time to read through the entire poem and understand what it means.
I think that’s all I will do today on this journey of understanding ‘Longing’.
What feeling are you exploring today?
