DATED – 21st February 2015

This time, the message of my blog is already over right in its title. I don’t think I need to explain more, do I? Let me elaborate a little – We need to ask ourselves – is this the case of our life too? Do we make this error sometimes – we appreciate people/ loved ones in private, but excitedly criticise people/ loved ones in public. Let’s look at a few instances –

• I have a student in my math class who is a little weak. Something that is very simple looks tricky to him. Do I reprimand him in front of the class saying, “Can’t you understand such a simple thing?” Whereas, when a student has written a paper well, I appreciate him one-to-one saying, “Well done!” How about making the entire class clap for the well-written paper!
• I think there is nothing more gratifying than parents explicitly appreciating kids in front of a few people. Yes, as parents we do go and speak good about our kids when they are not present. But it means a lot to hear that appreciation one-to-one. But when it comes to firing the kids, in the spate of anger, we don’t even see how many people are around and what the kid must be going through. Haven’t we later felt very bad about our behaviour?
• When a customer appreciates my employee, I can just say Thanks. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we add a couple of more amazing qualities my employee has? I am sure it will lift our employee’s morale to no ends. It means a lot for them to hear the boss appreciating them. But when I have to point out a mistake, do I hold myself back for the right moment? Or, do I just blurt it out?
• If I have gone to listen to an achiever, and get extremely inspired, do I tell it to them then and there? Or, do I wait until the program gets over and then let them know one-to-one. Who knows others too might have got inspired and learnt something out of it.
• A friend would have handled a situation unbelievably well when we had gone for a group picnic. Can I actually stand there and appreciate her in front of everyone? Or, do I wait until everyone is gone and then appreciate her? On the other hand, if I have to pass a sarcastic comment, I would do that when everyone is there so that everyone laughs at my joke!
• As a husband, do I get some kind of joy when I mock my wife about a few things, that I don’t like in her? I might think that I am indirectly passing a message to her. But factually, she must be feeling hurt deep down. Instead, wouldn’t it be great if I can actually praise her for some brilliant qualities she has, which others may not be aware of.
• It would be a great moment for parents to listen to how much we admire what the parents have done for us. Or maybe a quality, which is brilliant in them. More so, infront of their friends/ relatives. Getting angry on parents in public is easy. I have seen enough kids do that to their parents. Can you imagine what they must be going through listening to that blurt in public? (as my reader, I wish none of you do that)

I wish to share through these examples that nothing lifts a human being more than they being appreciated. Their chest expands a few inches when they are appreciated in front of a few people. (I am sure you would have experienced this sometime!) Alternatively, when we criticise someone for a mistake they committed, they get embarrassed in front of people. Some cynical people feel thrilled when they scold someone by saying – ‘Dekha …. Ab kabhi nahi karega aisa!’ (See, how I scolded him. Now he will never do it again.)

Vis-à-vis my life –

Of late, I have become very conscious about this fact. There have been a few times where I have gone through this where I was criticised in public, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed. At the same time, some appreciations for me came to me through someone. That moment, I truly felt that if only I had been appreciated on my face, my self-belief would have inched up a little more. In those moments, I craved for those direct appreciations from a few people, which came via someone else.

Yes, I am being aware to implement this, but I too have a scope of improvement. My promise to you is that I will go all out and implement this with anyone and everyone I can!

I personally think that as a human being it is our responsibility to help someone rise in their own eyes. Yes, everyone does make a mistake. If we don’t tell them, they will fall down further. So, we must point them out, but certainly not in front of a crowd. When it comes to telling something good about them, let’s be vocal and let enough people know about it. If we can implement this, we would eventually create such an amazing world around us! It might initially be uncomfortable to appreciate people in public, but when we get used to it, it’s a lot of fun!

If there is one line, which I am going to keep at the surface and at the depth of my mind, it is – APPRECIATE IN PUBLIC; but CRITICISE IN PRIVATE!