DATED – 6th September 2014
Our maid at home, Usha, didn’t turn up yesterday. She called at the last minute informing that her husband’s health was not OK. (These maids invariably manage to do this when there is the most work, isn’t it?) Though the monsoons are pouring down, the temperatures in my house were soaring! Fortunately, we managed to get some help within sometime.
As she turned up today morning, it was a mixed response – a heave of relief as well as anger! As my dad went out to take his towel; mockingly he said, “Why do you take holidays without informing!” Guess what she did – SHE JUST SMILED!
Dad was amused and came and shared inside. My wife Arpita immediately said, “She always laughs when you scold her. When you ask her, she says that I have never heard someone speak in a high tone with me. I don’t know how else to respond!”
The only words that came out my mouth that time were – “WOW!”
Invariably when someone gets angry on me, in turn I get furious on them. If I cannot get furious (on certain people), I tend to get frustrated, irritated or then throw tantrums. It leads me to negative emotions and ultimately loss of peace! I convince myself that – they cannot talk to me like this; they are taking me for granted; I won’t take everyone’s s*#@; I am not a football that anyone can kick me, whenever they get a chance, and so on. It leaves me feeling absolutely pathetic.
We would have seen this classic scene in our houses. Let’s say the daughter is upset that a vegetable has been made that she doesn’t like, and she is damn hungry. She gets angry. Dad sees it, and in a furious tone tells the daughter not to get angry and talk properly! Sounds funny, but the Dad wants to control the daughter’s anger by becoming angrier on her! Whether the Dad likes it or not, it does not work.
Similar can be the case between boss-employee, friends, husband-wife, siblings, co-workers, and so on. Each one of us wants to take control in a situation. I want to have the final say! No one should override me, is what I feel. I seem to believe that a negative emotion must be countered by a larger negative emotion. Yes, it works in mathematics where two negatives equal to a positive. However, in life, two negatives multiply to become Negative Square!
Vis-a-vis my life –
I never react negatively to anyone who is getting angry on me. Though I am composed from outside, at times, I am fuming inside. But I ensure it never comes out on others. My mood goes for a toss for a while. But henceforth, I will ensure that the inner fuming also doesn’t get a chance to pop up its ugly head!
Today morning Usha taught me a very important lesson. If someone is getting angry on me (though it is not my fault), can I just control my negative emotions and be composed? If possible, I must smile in the moment and apologize that something I did made them angry. Once they come back to normalcy, communicate to them about the issue. Invariably, they will tell me – I am sorry I got angry on you.
Thanks to Usha, I learnt a lesson on HANDLING OTHER’S ANGER!
